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This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 02/07/2008
Subject: Young and Engaged
Good Morning Steve Harvey crew!!!!!!!! I am 18 years old and still a hardworking student as a senior in high school. I also work part-time to earn money for college. I have a boyfriend that truly adores me and has given me three wonderful years. Even though I am young I am very capable of making my own decisions. My boyfriend has recently proposed to me. I haven't even started college yet and I admit that I am to young to accept such a big committment. I love him so much (even though we're only 18) and your're probalbly thinking that I don't know what love is, but what if we're meant to be and I miss out on this great oppurtunity at love? I should be focused on graduating and starting college life, but how do I tell my boyfriend that I am not ready for this endeavor without hurting him or him breaking up with me? He means a lot to me and your opinion would be greatly appreciated. I love your show and I really need your help. Sincerely, I'm young but not ready to be married.
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 02/06/2008
Subject: Am I a Good Man?
Good Morning - Steve, Shirley & Tommy. I want to first start off by saying that you guys are an inspiration and keep up the good work. I am currently in a relationship with a woman who has somehow stripped me of my dignity as a black man. She's a mexican-american woman. I am contemplating on leaving this woman and have been for sometime. I just don't know how. I cannot gather up enough courage to do so...A little background in our relatiionship. During the early stages in our relationship - she has talked so negative about the black race stating that black people are ignorant, lazy and ugly...That I was lucky that she even gave me a chance. Because of these sterotype she has about black people I stayed in the relationship to change that myth, however in the process I've been stripped of my dignity and self-respect. She has slapped and punched me; she has called me a stupid N with the "ER" at the end; she has caused me to drop out of graduate school; she had taking control of my entire pay check only providing me with a enough money to travel to and from work; she has taken limited communication with any of my friends and family; she demand back massages every night; I moved in with her, but I don't have a key to her apt., she states that I need to earn it by "behaving"; she altered my visting schedule w/my daughter from every weekend to every other weekend; she states that the only thing my daughter should get from me is child support and nothing above and beyond that; She gives me a daily allowance of $5 from a monthly check of over $4,000 net; She gets upset over the simpliest thing and we stay up arguing until its time to go to work the next morning; she will not allow me to go to bed, if she feeling upset or angry about anything; she refuses to discuss my issues; I told her that I wanted to strengthen my relationship w/daughter and she's against it because it may take time and resource away from us; she sometime makes me leave and sleep outside in the cold as a punishment for making her upset. The last time i made her upset was when I told her I was to work on the relationship with my daughter, especially since she starts highschool next year; she takes and hide my driver's license, passport & car keys and since, I don't have the keys to her house, I cannot simply go there when she's at work. There's not a day that I wish I was dead. Steve, Shirley & Tommy: I know this relationship is not healthy, but the problem is I am afraid of her; She always make me feel like I am the problem and I think its working - whenever, I gather up enough strength to leave, I fill guilty. I need some solid advice, please give me advice how to get myself out of them. Signed: Am I a Good Man?
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 02/05/2008
Subject: My 11 year old wants to get a job!
Dear Shirley and Steve, I am a 32 y/o single mother of three beautiful children ages 16,13 and 11. Even though I had my children at an early age. I have worked hard to provide for them and keep them in a nice home with the finer things in life. I will admit that this caused me at times to neglect myself and things that I wanted. However this past year has been a trying time at my job and some weeks I don't even make 40hrs. That caused a drastic change in my household. I still try to keep my children busy with J.R.O.T.C,cheerleading,dance also football and basketball. However, my youngest son now wants more. More cash. He wants to get a job working at his friends uncle's car wash and selling blue crabs on the side. I really don't want my son to start working at 11 years old. I think he should spend more time as a child and focus on schoolwork and his football and basketball. I've talked to guy friends of mine who says there's nothing wrong with him getting a job and how "back in the day" they cut grass to make money. I feel like that may have worked for them and their family but I think that working as a child somehow takes away a little innocence. I want to do more for my children financially but right now my hands are tied. I know this will only get worst because I'm about to start school in a few months to get my nursing degree. I don't want my son to be so focused on money because I feel like in the future he might want to make the 'quick' money the streets provide and become a stastic. I'm fighting hard for me and my children to beat the teen-parent odds and I don't know what I should do. So to work, or not to work that is the question. Help
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Good morning Steve, Shirley, Nephew Tommy. You don't know how much you've helped me through a very difficult time in my life. I've finally decided to write this letter to get your perspective on my situation. I am a 30 year old woman, living in New York City. Two years ago I married a man that came from the other side of the tracks. Before we got married, we openly discussed our goals and he seemed to be on the same page. I agreed to move into his apartment, even though it was in a bad neighborhood, because he promised that we would live there only for a year, pay off our bills and buy a house. About a year after we were married, he quit his job and I got a new job making considerably more money, well into six figures. A little while later, my husband informed me that buying a house was out of the question until he made the same amount of money as me. Over time, things got worse, he couldn't find a job and he turned physically and emotionally abusive. I love my husband, but momma didn't raise no fool...finally I decided to leave, and with God's strength, I've been able to re-build myself and my life. Here's the dilemma, now he's trying to reconcile the relationship. He calls and leaves me messages apologizing, but I refuse to get pulled back into the drama. I don't answer my phone when I see his number and I don't return his calls. At some point, I need to find closure in all of this. Should I call him and say "it's over" or should I turn the page and let my attorney handle the rest? All the best, Slim Red
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/31/2008
Subject: Keeping the Cooke in the Family
Subject: Keeping the Cookie in the Family Hello Steve, Shirley, Carla, Nephew Tommy, and the crew. Here is my problem, I can't seem to stop giving my cookie up to my brother-in-law. I married my husband in 2000. The marriage started off just great we couldn't seem to get enough of each other; we do everything together; dancing, concerts, movies, as well as raising two beautiful children together. Now heres where the problem comes in, whenever my brother in law come over, my husband and my brother-in-law are always talkin bout how good he makes his cookie at home feel (his wife). Don't get my wrong it's not that I dont think my husband isn't any good...my husband just ain't baking the COOKIE all the way. Steve he's leaving some ingredients out. My brother-in-law came over and my husband wasnt home - big mistake! My brother-in-law wanted me to call my husband to see how long he would be before he came home. I lied and told him I called my husband. Long story short, Steve, I ended up sharing my cookie with my brother-in-law; on several occasions. I really love my husband and want my marriage to work I want to end this affair with my brother-in-law. But Steve, I can't seem to get enough. We are planning a trip to Hedonism III, my husband, brother-in-law and his wife. I am looking forward to being with my brother-in-law more than my husband on this trip. Should I tell my husband about our affair, or should I just go on the trip and continue to keep my cookie in the family for a little while longer? - Sign, Keeping The Cookie In The Family
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/30/2008
Subject: 20 year old abused girl flighting back to regain her life!
Subject: I'm 20 and bout to lose my mind Dear Shirley and Steve, I am a 20 year old Female in VA, and I need your advice please. Well for the past year I have been holding in a secret that has been eating me up everyday. Back in January of 2007 i was raped by my 17 year old brother while living in my fathers house -- a minister may I add. So I told my father what happen and you know what he did about it -- not a darn thing, he told me that we shouldn't mention anything about this to my stepmother cause it will cause confusion in his household. Then as punishment for my brother he had to do whatever I asked him until he gained my trust back, I didn't ask him for a thing Then in April until May of the same year my father molests me. He would come in my room in the middle of the night when he thought I was sleep and do things. I was not sleep, but I was so afraid of showing him that I wasn't asleep I just laid there praying for him to go away. My father had to go out of town to preach at a church so when he left I called one of my best friends and I moved out, he called everyday acting as if he was so worried about me. So one night I went to church and he was all broken down and crying, until I brought to his attention why I left. I didn't do it in front of anybody and I wasn't loud or disrespectful to him in any way, and he had the nerve to tell me he was being used by the devil because his wife wasn't having sex with him and he was curious about me. At that time and even now I would like to take him by his neck and hurt him, but am I wrong for feeling this way? Please help me, I am at the end of my rope and I am truly hurting because I am to afraid to tell anyone!!! Please help. Sincerely, Sick And Tired Of Being Sick And Tired
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/28/2008
Subject: Hater of a Fiance
Dear Steve and gang, I am a young professional man in this big city in South Carolina. Well let's TRY to make this as short as possible. I am a 22 year old engineer who happens to be blessed with other young professional friends with whom I grew up with. One in particular friend is a 23 year old young lady. We have known each other since the 5th grade and have been close since the 7th. We have had 10 years of friendship without any sexual feelings attached because we are simply not each others type. Girls have always gravitated toward me and their boyfriends always get mad at me. I try to push off the taken girls just to avoid tension among anyone but they ignore their man and come back. Well this particular girl broke up with her ex boyfriend because of me. Months later another dude started pursuing her and her interests. Right off the bat she told him she was friends with a guy, who is me, and asked him if he would have a problem with it. He replied "absolutely not'. She went on to date the jigga boo and things were fine. He would even converse with me when we both were around. She recently moved in a house and they have a child together. He has made statements to her saying he doesn't want her being around me anymore, doesn't want me coming to the house (a house she pays half on), and doesn't want her talking to me on the phone (a phone that's in her name). Although she continues to sneak around me and talk to me, I feel completely cut off. Past female friends I had and lost never affected me like this because I trained myself to not get attached to females, but this is 10 years of long trials of friendship and believe it or not we are tied at the heart. We are so in sync with one another and click in so many ways. We basically know every secret about each other and no one makes me laugh like her. Now she is set to marry this HATER and possibly weed me out of her life completely. I just need to know if I should cut off all feelings for her before I'm cut out.
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/25/2008
Subject: Biological Clock Ticker
Good Morning Steve Harvey and the Morning Crew, I am 31 years old, single female with no children, and have been single now since 2002. The situation that I am having is that I have been seeing a beautiful, tall dark handsome man for the past 3 years that I realized I am falling in love with. He is 33 years old, with no children, never been married and very wise. We are not together in a relationship - it just seems to be a 3-year-long committed booty call. He has told me that he loves me and now wants to have children and wants to have them with me. But he does not want a relationship with me. We have been tring for the past year to get pregnant and have not to no avail (I believe that this is a sign). My biological clock is ticking like crazy. The problem is that he feels that he does not want to be in a committed relationship or marriage due to having to not wanting to answer to anyone. As long as I have known him, I have shown him that I am not at all like the other women that he has dated. I was there for him when he injured himself, quit his job, when his father died, and when he was unemployed for numerous months. I have been encouraging him, and am there for him financially and physically. Am I being a fool for waiting him? Should I just let it go? I feel like I am waiting for him because I don't think that I will get anyone else that would want to have a child with me. Please advise, what I should do because my biological clock is ticking. Sincerely Dedicated Listener Biological Clock Ticker
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/23/2008
Subject: Tired of Waiting
Dear Morning Show, First I would like to say I love your show. Now for my problem. A couple of years ago I met my boyfriend. At the time, I was separated for six months and on the way to divorce. We both weren't ready for a relationship -- he had recently left a long term one, so we decided to see each other as friends. I did end up divorcin in the next couple of months. The relationship became physical but we still considered it open and free to see other people. This went on for a year, and although we practiced safe sex, I became pregnant. This really threw me for a loop because I was thinking of leaving the situation because my feeling had grown and I didn't want to continue the way we were. We both prayed and decided to keep the baby and be in a committed relationship. Today we have a 4 year old daughter that we both adore and our relationship is wonderful! He is an excellent father that does everything financially and physically that he is supposed to do to take care of her. He is everything that I have ever wanted in a man and I couldn't see myself with anyone else. The problem is our status. I know it takes time to get to know someone and since our relationship went from friends, to parents and lovers we needed time to adjust to our new life together, but I'm at a point that I'm ready to be married. Although he does talk about it from time to time, I still have NO RING and no real sign of getting one anytime soon. I know he loves me by the things he does and the sacrifices he's made in his life but I can't help wanting more. At this point in my life I'm too old to be just a baby's mama. I don't really address it because I've learned by my first marriage that a man has to be ready for marriage for it to work. I don't want to leave the relationship because everything is perfect but I don't want to wake up and our daughter is a teenager and I'm still just his baby's mama. I was raised to be married and I just don't know what to do PLEASE HELP
Date: 01/22/2008
Subject: Met a Preacher Online
I met a pastor on this online dating site and he told me he was single. He said he joined the site because he of course did not want to go to clubs or bars or even date anyone from his congregation, so he decided to join the online site to find himself a wife. well the problem kicks in when he actually tells me that he is married with two grown kids. So of course i am ticked off at this deception, but I have never met him in person so i was not too mad. But the problem is this -- he sent me money that he got from his collection service on sunday, and he smokes, and he drinks alcohol all day everyday and his church is suffering. But yet he sends me all the little extra money the church makes to help me pay my bills. He even sent his 25 year old son to meet me in person and told the son i was his god daughter and he was to spend $5000 on me in the three days that he was in town. And his wife believes i am his god daughter so his wife went shopping and baught me a $150 dress to wear to church that sunday with his son. Bottom line is this --preacher has lied to his whole family and church. What am i to do? Should i just walk away from my over the phone sugar daddie or should i keep milking him and his church for all it is worth? Am i going to hell for such a thing? I am 25 years old and single with 2 kids. The money sure is good to me.
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/16/2008
Subject: Do I stay for the finances and the kids?
Good Morning...S.H. Morning Show, I am married woman in my late 30's. I have been married for 15 years with three beautiful children. My husband and I have been together since we were in high school. Our marriage for the most part has been DRAMA free. We have had the average issues of a young couple growing up together into adulthood while raising a young family. I considered my husband my best friend. The last couple of years my husband has had his hands in several different ventures to better our financial status. I have allowed my husband full reign over our finances and supported him so that he could better our financial situation. Now my husband has always made more money than me. It has never been an issue for us. But now that he has bought some real estate property...etc. He has become a little cocky. I have been bringing it to his attention that he has started discarding my opinion in our financial decisions and had started treating me like one of our kids. It seems that he is short with me and snaps at me like the kids. It's like he forgot that I am his counterpart and how supportive I was as he raised us to the top. In my frustration I made a really bad choice. I turned to another man, who seemed to appreciate me. He is a single divorced older man that has enjoyed his bachelor life fully over those past years. He shared with me how he has played the field to the fullest. He is now looking for a wife. I think he is fascinated with me because my mindset as a wife to let my man lead while I support him. This guy feels I can make him be a better man. This guy does make me feel like I am greatest thing that has ever happened to him. While my husband makes me feel that any failure in his life was because we married young and he didn't fulfill his destiny. This situation turned so ugly that I asked my husband to move out, and he did. This older guy is not as financial disciplined as my husband. The problem is that I have become accustom to living a certain way. My husband forgave me for the affair, and has changed since he realized someone else wanted me. He claims he realized he really does love me, took me for granted. I have my guards up because I gave him my all and he didn't appreciate it. I feel like he thinks it's cheaper to keep me. I let him move back in, and I thought that I could forget about the other man. I still love my husband, but I am not in love with him anymore. I prayed on it and ask God to remove the other man from my heart. It worked for a short time, but I seem to be right back at the same cross roads. The other man has made it clear that he want me as his wife and that he will do the best he can to take care of me. My issue is that I have been married since I was 23 years old and I don't know if I want to turn around and marry this man, although I have no desire to date anyone else. But I can't afford to be on my own and live the way I have been accustomed to living. What if I am making a grave mistake and lose my husband in the process? Should I stay with my husband even though he doesn't make my heart flutter anymore? Should I take a chance with this other man, even though I will have to start all over and might have to struggle with him? Plus my kids could be devastated by the whole situation. Do I stay for the finances and the kids? Confused
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/15/2008
Subject: A confused 28 old Women
Dear Mr. Harvey and Ms Shirley, Tommy and Karla. I'm a 28 year old mother of an 8 year old daughter. I've been with my daughter's father for 10 years on and off. During this relationship he was a very abusive to me in front my daughter. He won't hold down a job, he won't pick his daughter of from school unless he to stay in my house he's rude and very disrespectful to me and my friends. He the belittles me to know end. About 2 years ago I finally left him because I wanted better for and my child. But he keeps coming back wanting me to forgive him. I don't want to be with this anymore. I started dating a guy about 2 years ago and it's started of wonderful. He was everything that I wanted in a man. He was kind caring handsome, outgoing he has a good job and treat like a queen. When my daughters father found out about him words were exchange between the two and my friend started staying away from me. My problem is that I want this new man in my life but now he's telling me he just want to be friends. Mr. Harvey please helps me bring some understanding to this question. If there's DRAMA with the baby father when it comes to another man being with me or wanting to be with me and this particular male friends of mine knows that there will be Drama if my baby's father show up while he's with me. Is it true that in order to avoid confutation would any man make up any excuse just to stay away from me in order to avoid the drama even if he really likes me????? However not all man would avoid the drama?????? And would a man keep a secret to himself that he actually afraid of the drama. And he would make up excuses not to be around me period???? Mr. Harvey please me with his issue!!!!!
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/10/2008
Subject: My Big Day
Hi Steve and the Morning Show Crew. I am getting married for the first time (at the age 42)this year in May. My "dear" friends, who have known me for more than 13 years, have always known that I wanted a meaningful relationship that would lead to marriage. I am just the one-man woman type. I met a wonderful man whose heart is made of gold, he loves me unconditionally, he is so comical, he is just a ball to be with. When I announced our marriage plans, one of my friends, who happens to be single, said "he is a good guy and he truly loves you" and am really happy for you. I asked this same friend to be a bridesmaid in my wedding and she declined, because she is currently upset with someone else (my family member) who is in the wedding party. Something happened in September between them that caused them not to speak to each other. I gave my fiance a surprise birthday party in October and invited them all, and they all came. They were civil toward each other, they basically separated themselves, didn't necessarily mingle with each other but they showed up and celebrated his birthday with him. Things went so well, I actually forgot that they were mad with each other. Here it is my one and only wedding day, and I asked them to be in my wedding and they declined. I am really hurt about this. My fiance is very upset because he can not believe that "my girls" can not put their differences aside for such an important day to me. Planning my wedding has not been a happy event for me, and I blame that on my family and friends. My friends and family has added nothing but drama to the planning of my wedding ever since we set the date. My fiance said that he has some "choice" words he would like to say to them. Believe me when I say, he would never disrespect them, but he said he is going to give them a piece of his mind. He said he will wait until after the wedding, because what he has to say will be well deserved based on what they do for "my day". He did however tell me, just be warned, they may take it with love or they may never speak to us again. He can not believe these girls have been my dear "friends" for 13 years. Please note I keep using the term "dear" friends because, I have know these ladies for 13 years, one is the godmother of my son, we celebrate and exchange gifts with each every year on our birthdays and christmas. We hang out constantly with each other. How can they do this to me? They have been a part of everything else in my life except my Big Day. That doesn't make sense to me. I want to know what your listners think about this situation and hopefully my friends will hear the topic and realize I'm talking about them and get it together. You could not stop me from being in their wedding if they wanted me in it.
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/09/2008
Subject: I'm in love with a Gringo
Hi- First of all, thank you all for helping me start my work day with a big smile. I'm in love with a gringo, I was born and raised in Ecuador and moved to Miami when I was 19 years old. I'm now 28. I have worked hard for the things I have, I learned English, maintained myself without my parent's help, made it to the top of my career, and I made excellent new friends. My boyfriend is 36 years old and was married for almost 10 years and his wife divorced him 6 years ago. When I met him I also met his two best friends, one of which he has known since they were 13 yrs. old. I've seeing how much respect they have for him as well as his co-workers and boss. When my boyfriend asked me to move in with him after 2 months of knowing each other I spoke with him about the things that are important to me and him since we have both had serious relationships that lasted more than 6 years and we are at the right age to know what we want out of life. We spoke about mutual incomes, dreams, and aspirations. I told him that I want to be married before I'm thirty and he was ok with it. Also, I told him I wanted to start a family and he said to me that he was not a in a hurry to have babies, but he was at the right age and happy with me so he was ok with the idea. We live together with our two female cats. We are happy and have a simple life that we enjoy. Our two year anniversary past last June so I spoke with him about marriage and he told me that we would not marry again, at least not now. I felt crushed, but he insists that this has nothing to do with me. I love him so much that if I was given the option to make all his dreams come true at the cost of me never seeing him again, I would take it just to know that he is 100% happy. Our friends tell me that I'm the best girlfriend ever and that I deserve the best. However, they know my boyfriend does not want to marry and they advised me to move on if I insist in marrying him. As a Latin girl I want marriage before babies, even though I'm not a traditional person and I don't have a religion. I do have a problem with lack of patience so I'm writing to know what the Code Cracker thinks about this. Should I wait or is this a red flag I should pay attention to?
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/14/2008
Subject: I am too afraid to want more!
Good Morning Team, I am recently divorce from my husband for about a year. I was severely hurt during the process of my marriage. I took a year off from dating to do a lot of soul searching and to come to grips with the fact that my failed marriage was my fault (Thanks to you, Steve. The advice that you have been giving to your listeners made me realize it was my fault.). Now, to the question...I have been dating a guy for about 3 months. Right out the gate we establish the ground rules of the relationship. He said, that he dates other women and wanted to be totally honest with me about that. I told him, that I didn't have any expectations and that I'm not seeking or looking for a relationship. Ok, I know you are waiting on the problem, since the ground rules were set up front, what's the problem? Here's the problem...now he wants more. He wants to cut out all of the women in his life a see only me, and he wants me to do the same. I am totally scare to commit myself to another man and to get hurt in the end. Just give you a little back ground on the surface he's perfect. Treats me with the utmost respect and care. No, I have not broken off the cookie, because I didn't want to confuse matters considering the ground rules. Please HELP me! How do you know when it's the right time to try love again
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/08/2008
Subject: Sexless in the City
Dear Mr. Harvey and the Wake Up Crew, Every morning I wake up and listen to your morning wake-up show. I'm a college student attending Spelman and on the drive all of you make me laugh. However, the question I'm posing to you is more of a serious nature. I'm a twenty year old virgin trying to live a Christian walk. Being a virgin doesn't make me perfect, I know that virtue and virginity are separate entities. But lately I, and many girls in my position (both non virgins and virgins alike), are loosing hope in waiting on God. The pool of qualified bachelors who are abstaining for God BEFORE they meet you is in short supply - especially in the AUC. And daily it becomes harder and harder to tell fine, educated, articulate, and sweet men "no" simply because they're not of Kingdom standard. Its not difficult for me to tell suto-gangsta's at Morehouse or Clark "no" (note: gangster's don't go to college - stop playing). But its harder to tell men in the church, active in ministry - sometimes in leadership positions, educated, fine, and kind "NO". Men in the church are just as sexually active as men outside the church. If abstaining men are just as hard to find in the church as in the world - where does a woman go? I have my father in my life and was raised with a "Save Sex" mentality and not a "Safe Sex" mentality. My father is a good man, loves me, and adores me. I love the way he loves me and that created a standard in my life of how other men SHOULD love me - I'm worth the wait. But now I'm a twenty year old never-been-kissed-virgin and I've grown weary-in-well doing. Am I stupid to believe that if I'm patient that God will send me a kind, abstaining, Kingdom man? As a father what would you tell your daughter? A Sexless Spelmanite, Tamaar
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/03/2008
Subject: Everything isn't always black and white
Hi Steve and Shirley. I listen to your show as often as I can in the mornings on my way to take my children to school. First let me start of by saying that my fiancé if very good to me and my 3 children. He is a very positive role model for them and encourages them to do their very best. He takes time to be active in their lives but still helps support our family by driving a truck on the road. We have been through so many trials and tribulations together and, with God's help, always came out stronger and wiser than before. He, alone, has helped get us out of a very big financial bind where we almost lost our home. There's never been a time that I have asked him to do something that he didn't do it. He has never raised his hand to me in anger or disrespected me in any way and he makes sure the kids respect me as well. My problem, however, is that we are in an interracial relationship. My oldest daughter (15) is white, and my two other daughters (9 and 11) are mixed (black and white). My children are also overweight. I think it is very important for my kids to know the truth about the history of whites and blacks and that there have been a lot of accomplishments made. But he tends to criticize white people and put them down for the way his race was mistreated. I understand that it was wrong and, again, I want my children to know the truth, but they are half white and I am 100%. He also makes comments, mostly in a joking way, about their size. They all laugh, but my children often come to me later and say that he always says stuff about how fat they are (their words not mine). While he is truly a great man, I worry that the words he uses will stay with them forever. My father used to make comments about my weight and still, to this day, I am very self-conscious about my weight. Please help. He says he's just kidding, but it's no secret that the kids are a "handful". I don't know what to do or how to talk to him about these situations. Please give me some pointers on how to approach this issue. Much Thanks---at my wits end in NC
This letter is a repost of a strawberry letter from the steve harvey morning show.
Date: 01/02/2008
Subject: A future Attorney in love with an Inmate??
Good Morning Friends; Big Daddy Steve, My Girl Shirley, Sexy Tommy and last but not least "the prettiest pregnant woman in radio" - Hey Carla girl!! Well it's like this, I'm a 24 year old woman who appears to have it all (to the public) but inside I'm dying from a broken heart. I just graduated from Northeastern University with TWO bachelor degrees and by the way, I am the first person in my family to even attend college - let alone graduate. I live alone, I don't have any kids, I have a great full time job and I've recently began my first year in Law School. However, when I was 12 years old, I met the love of my life and we've been together ever since. Granted at the time, we were both too young to be in a serious relationship or anything like that but we BOTH knew that we were meant to be and we've made it work for the past 12 years. My parents have always stressed the importance of my education and they've always been in my corner - supporting me in EVERYTHING I set my heart on except one thing - my boyfriend. For the past six years my boyfriend has been locked up because of his poor life choices. Basically he tried living the life his older brothers and friends were living and eventually got "caught up" in the lifestyle. So now at the age of 26, he's sitting in jail regretting everything he's done and everyone he's abandoned due to his bad choices. Along with my parents, my boyfriend has always been that backbone I needed whenever I thought my dreams would never come true. I know you're saying "he's in jail" - yes I know, I think about that every day but we've made it work and we're content with the way our situation is right now. My boyfriend is NOT a bad guy - he's just a young black man who made bad choices and is trying his hardest to turn his life around. My boyfriend will be released from jail in December and I'm worried that my family will not accept him for the man that he is but discriminate against him because of his past. My mother constantly brings up the fact that I'm going to school to be an attorney and even says that I'm settling for less than what I deserve because my boyfriend is in jail. What does that mean? Why is she implying that because I'm in school and my boyfriend is locked up - that he is beneath me? She sometimes jokes about it when there's company around thinking she will embarrass me if she talks about my man. She says comments like "are you going to school to defend your man when he gets in trouble again?" or "are you working on his case" when she sees me studying. Sometimes I choose not to spend time with my family because every time I visit them there's always a discussion about my future plans with my boyfriend. I'm a grown woman and I do for myself, I shouldn't have to be "grilled" or lectured about my love life. Don't get me wrong, I love my family and I respect their concern but there should be a point when enough is enough. I've been hearing it for the past six years and I'm tired of it. It's beginning to put a strain on my relationship with my parents and its starting to stress me out. My parents have already stated that my boyfriend will not be welcomed in their home once he comes home. This breaks my heart because I have a HUGE family and we get together on a regular basis and the one person that I hold dear to my heart will never have a chance to be a part of that. I've expressed to my mother that if he's not accepted by the family then she will eventually lose me, and she calmly replied, "well I'm willing to take that chance" and walked away. Is this a double standard?? I remembered my mom paying for my oldest sister's wedding a couple of years back and my sister's husband is an ex convict too, so what makes me different? What should I do? I love my man dearly but I also love my family. Should I stay with my boyfriend despite my family's disgust? Should I explain to my parents how much I love my man and tell them that we are going to be together if they like it or not? Should I end my relationship with my boyfriend and over look the 12 years we've been together because my family will not accept him? Or should I continue to ignore them and began building a future with my boyfriend. Please help! I need some advice... I'm seriously thinking I will end up in a mental institution from all of the pain and stress I'm being put through over MY RELATIONSHIP with MY BOYFRIEND. Please be gentle because this is a serious issue; however, please respond as if I am your daughter. Thanks so much! I love you guys and value your opinion. Tommy baby, stay sexy boo! Yours truly, A future Attorney in love with an Inmate...
